I need to tell you a true story about what happened nearly a year ago.

Whilst sat at my desk, I could hear dogs barking and raised voices coming from outside my window. This is not a rare occurrence around here. Dog owners can generally bark louder than their dogs. This particular altercation sounded more… colourful. I looked out of my window and could see two owners trying their level best to keep control of their pets. One was holding on to the leash whilst the other was merely waving a walking stick in a fly swatting way.

One dog had gotten away and was squaring up to the other. I know absolutely nothing about dogs, but one was a small ball of white fluff whilst the other was an Alsatian. (To be honest, to me, all dogs are either “small” or “a bit like an Alsatian”). Just as the owner, who must have been in his eighties, was about to get a hold of his small dog, the Alsatian managed to get free of his leash and it all kicked off.

Seconds later the Alsatian had the small dog in its mouth. Not all of it, just its neck. Both owners were screaming trying to pull the dogs apart without luck. Moments later, a neighbour of mine came racing out of his house. He is the sort of bloke who has an array of hunting knives with matching lumber jack shirts whose favourite film is Rambo First Blood.

So lets recap…

Owner holding small dog who is in the Alsatian’s mouth being pulled by its owner.

My neighbour arrived and picked up the small dog and held him fairly high in the air. He even managed to get the Alsatian off the ground. So now its….

Rambo holding small dog with Alsatian still biting small dogs neck.

Rambo (his actual name is Eric) then realised that he was in punching distance of the Alsatian’s danglies. He then began punching the Alsatian really hard in its groin.

So now its…

Rambo holding small dog which is being mauled by the Alsatian who is now being punched in the groin by Rambo.

As expected, the Alsatian loosened its grip and fell to the floor.

Both owners then disappeared into Rambo’s house to tend to both dogs. Most probably a bandage for one and a bag of frozen peas for the other.

You are probably wondering why I never ran out to help. It was raining.